“You already are a real person. Look at your transcript. That’s amazing. You’re going to graduate in a month, your parents are going to watch you and they’ll be so proud. You’ll leave here and never look back. And you’ll get a job, maybe not what you want right away, but it’s baby steps. You’ll move out of your parents’ house, into your own apartment, making your own money. You’ll have a closet full of amazing clothes, you’ll buy a ton of your own shoes. You’ll fall in love many times. You can say ‘fuck you’ to your parents and not talk to them if you don’t want to. You’ll be a mental health counselor, help everyone out with their crises and know you’re not the most fucked up person out there. You’ll get a car and drive everywhere. No, fuck the car, you’ll live in the city and won’t need one. You’ll be a city girl. It will happen and it will be amazing. The best part of your life is coming. It’s not going to happen all at once, or right away, but it’s coming. And it’s going to awesome.”

Sometimes advisers actually are helpful.